| Siblings of Autistic Children. Bright Tots information on Autism and Child Development |
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| Siblings of Autistic Children |
For siblings of children with autism living with a brother or sister on the autism spectrum adds a unique bond and
many extraordinary incidents to the relationship. When a child in the family has autism, it affects the whole family.
Though limited research has been done, a child’s response to growing up with a sibling with autism is swayed by
many aspects such as age, temperament, personality, birth order, gender, parental approach and role modeling, and
resources available. Certainly, parents have little control over many of these factors.
Siblings of children with autism have a special connection with each other which is usually life long. As a parent of a
child with autism, you can accurately motivate and support positive relationships for siblings. Parents may need to
cope with their own thoughts and feelings before they can effectively share information with siblings. Some family
structures include single parents, multi-generational households, and households with other significant circumstances
including more than one member with a disability. Each family has its own beliefs, values, and needs. But regardless of
family arrangement, all members of the family should be supportive towards siblings coping with a brother or sister on
the autism spectrum.
Siblings Coping With Autism
Communication and play can be difficult between siblings when one has autism. Often the sibling without the autism is
asked to presume, or may on their own feel obligated to assume, the role of caretaker. These issues should be
addressed by informing the sibling of the characteristics in autism, offering them assistance and teaching them tactics
for handling autistic behaviors. Research shows that siblings often do not understand or have misconceptions about the
definition and cause of their brother or sister’s disorder. Additionally, it has been revealed that parents often misjudged
siblings’ comprehension about their brother or sister’s disorder.
For younger siblings of autistic children, one of the first reality checks usually comes when their older brother or sister
won't play. The child on the autism spectrum may seem unresponsive or have a meltdown when the sibling tries to
interact. Children may show their anxiety through withdrawal or through inappropriate behaviors. Siblings may be timid
to ask questions due to not knowing what to ask or out of fear of hurting the parent.
During childhood siblings understand autism in terms of separated behaviors that are specific, observable and real (i.e.,
understanding is based on what the sibling sees rather than on reason). The sibling will notice differences between self
and brother or sister but expects a typical sibling interaction and relationship. The sibling may be fearful of
unpredictable behaviors (e.g., fearful for own safety, fear possessions will be taken or destroyed). Depending on the
sibling’s developmental stage or level of understanding, his or her concerns are likely to focus on the cause of their
brother or sister’s disorder, their brother or sister’s thoughts and feelings, whether or not he or she will get better,
what is expected of them as a sibling, treatment and support, and what the future holds for everyone in the family.
Positive Outcomes Learned From Autistic Siblings
Typical siblings of children with autism often express there are positive results from growing up with an autistic child
such as learning patience, tolerance and compassion, and having opportunities to handle difficult situations. These
opportunities also teach them confidence when facing other difficult challenges. Research found that siblings without
disabilities viewed their relationship with their brother or sister with autism as positive when:
• They had an understanding of the sibling’s disability.
• They had well developed coping abilities.
• They experienced positive responses from parents and peers toward the sibling with autism.
Parents should support the sibling of a child with autism to find ways in which they can relate or share an interest with
the autistic child. That can be something very simple such as singing a favorite song or playing a tickling game. The
siblings can bond with one another and show affection by playing and laughing together.
Parents must help prepare siblings of autistic children for possible reactions from others toward their brother or sister
with autism. Make sure the sibling has facts about autism spectrum disorders. Remarkably, a lot of these typical
siblings grow up to become more outspoken about special needs. They don’t mind answering questions about some of
the weird and bizarre behaviors. Remember parents are important models of behavior. Help siblings learn ways to deal
with and manage their emotions. The "typically developing" siblings of autistic children are, in fact, the furthest thing
from typical. Often, they are wiser and more mature than their actual age.
Siblings of Autistic Children and Negative Experiences
Some siblings of children with autism have negative experiences when their brother or sister has autism. Anxiety,
anger, jealousy, embarrassment, loss, and loneliness are all emotions that children will likely experience. Because of the
nature of autism features there are obstacles to the sibling relationship that can cause additional tension. Siblings will
generally have negative feelings some might never relate or want to connect with their autistic siblings but the good
news is that typical siblings often turn out to be more compassionate and thoughtful than average. These siblings have
seen what it's like to have difficult moments in life.
Some autistic children are aggressive, which can be scary and dangerous, especially for younger children. Parents are
not able to watch over their children every second of everyday. Some of the behaviors may be pulling the sibling’s
hair, biting, striking, chocking, and other inappropriate violent actions.
It's common for siblings of a child with autism to feel humiliated by their autistic brother or sister's behavior in public,
or to be hesitant to invite friends home. That can be tough because the sibling may feel uncomfortable about the
autistic behaviors. Adding to these feelings is the fact that children with autism have no abnormal facial features.
Typical children with an autistic sibling face numerous challenges: parental responsibility; a feeling of isolation from the
rest of their family; confusion, fear, anger and embarrassment about their autistic sibling. Families and each member
can be both strengthened and strained from these circumstances. Parents need to acknowledge and communicate only
to their healthy children that they realize what they are going through and that negative feelings are normal.
Additional Influential Situations for Typical Siblings
• Type and severity of the child’s disorder
• Number of children in the family
• Age differences between siblings
• Family’s child-rearing practices
• Family’s lifestyle
• Other stressful conditions existing in the family
• Parental/family coping styles
Parents with autistic children should set aside time alone with their typical children every week. Alone time with the
sibling can be done in different ways such as shopping or watching a movie together. The important thing is to
schedule definite “alone” time with a parent which the sibling can depend on. Make sure to explain treatments available
and future probabilities that affect the child with autism.
Siblings of a children with autism can better understand and accept the alterations and allowances made for the brother
or sister with autism as they mature. Be careful not to underestimate the potential of the child with autism. Make each
child’s responsibilities and allowances consistent and dependent on capability.
Many families make a major effort to praise and reward the child with autism for each step of progress. This same
effort should be considered for the siblings. Self-esteem is connected to positive acknowledgment from parents.
Remember to celebrate everyone’s success as special.
Parents can make the responsibilities appropriate to the age of the typical and autistic siblings. Parents should inform to
the typical child that while it’s great to care about their brother or sister, they are still children as well. That kind of
message confirms the parent’s love and eases the burden of caretaker.
Siblings are likely to spend more time with the child in their family who has autism than any one else, other than the
mother or primary caregiver. In addition, because the sibling relationship is the longest lasting relationship in the family,
sibling issues are lifelong concerns and change during their lifetime.
many extraordinary incidents to the relationship. When a child in the family has autism, it affects the whole family.
Though limited research has been done, a child’s response to growing up with a sibling with autism is swayed by
many aspects such as age, temperament, personality, birth order, gender, parental approach and role modeling, and
resources available. Certainly, parents have little control over many of these factors.
Siblings of children with autism have a special connection with each other which is usually life long. As a parent of a
child with autism, you can accurately motivate and support positive relationships for siblings. Parents may need to
cope with their own thoughts and feelings before they can effectively share information with siblings. Some family
structures include single parents, multi-generational households, and households with other significant circumstances
including more than one member with a disability. Each family has its own beliefs, values, and needs. But regardless of
family arrangement, all members of the family should be supportive towards siblings coping with a brother or sister on
the autism spectrum.
Siblings Coping With Autism
Communication and play can be difficult between siblings when one has autism. Often the sibling without the autism is
asked to presume, or may on their own feel obligated to assume, the role of caretaker. These issues should be
addressed by informing the sibling of the characteristics in autism, offering them assistance and teaching them tactics
for handling autistic behaviors. Research shows that siblings often do not understand or have misconceptions about the
definition and cause of their brother or sister’s disorder. Additionally, it has been revealed that parents often misjudged
siblings’ comprehension about their brother or sister’s disorder.
For younger siblings of autistic children, one of the first reality checks usually comes when their older brother or sister
won't play. The child on the autism spectrum may seem unresponsive or have a meltdown when the sibling tries to
interact. Children may show their anxiety through withdrawal or through inappropriate behaviors. Siblings may be timid
to ask questions due to not knowing what to ask or out of fear of hurting the parent.
During childhood siblings understand autism in terms of separated behaviors that are specific, observable and real (i.e.,
understanding is based on what the sibling sees rather than on reason). The sibling will notice differences between self
and brother or sister but expects a typical sibling interaction and relationship. The sibling may be fearful of
unpredictable behaviors (e.g., fearful for own safety, fear possessions will be taken or destroyed). Depending on the
sibling’s developmental stage or level of understanding, his or her concerns are likely to focus on the cause of their
brother or sister’s disorder, their brother or sister’s thoughts and feelings, whether or not he or she will get better,
what is expected of them as a sibling, treatment and support, and what the future holds for everyone in the family.
Positive Outcomes Learned From Autistic Siblings
Typical siblings of children with autism often express there are positive results from growing up with an autistic child
such as learning patience, tolerance and compassion, and having opportunities to handle difficult situations. These
opportunities also teach them confidence when facing other difficult challenges. Research found that siblings without
disabilities viewed their relationship with their brother or sister with autism as positive when:
• They had an understanding of the sibling’s disability.
• They had well developed coping abilities.
• They experienced positive responses from parents and peers toward the sibling with autism.
Parents should support the sibling of a child with autism to find ways in which they can relate or share an interest with
the autistic child. That can be something very simple such as singing a favorite song or playing a tickling game. The
siblings can bond with one another and show affection by playing and laughing together.
Parents must help prepare siblings of autistic children for possible reactions from others toward their brother or sister
with autism. Make sure the sibling has facts about autism spectrum disorders. Remarkably, a lot of these typical
siblings grow up to become more outspoken about special needs. They don’t mind answering questions about some of
the weird and bizarre behaviors. Remember parents are important models of behavior. Help siblings learn ways to deal
with and manage their emotions. The "typically developing" siblings of autistic children are, in fact, the furthest thing
from typical. Often, they are wiser and more mature than their actual age.
Siblings of Autistic Children and Negative Experiences
Some siblings of children with autism have negative experiences when their brother or sister has autism. Anxiety,
anger, jealousy, embarrassment, loss, and loneliness are all emotions that children will likely experience. Because of the
nature of autism features there are obstacles to the sibling relationship that can cause additional tension. Siblings will
generally have negative feelings some might never relate or want to connect with their autistic siblings but the good
news is that typical siblings often turn out to be more compassionate and thoughtful than average. These siblings have
seen what it's like to have difficult moments in life.
Some autistic children are aggressive, which can be scary and dangerous, especially for younger children. Parents are
not able to watch over their children every second of everyday. Some of the behaviors may be pulling the sibling’s
hair, biting, striking, chocking, and other inappropriate violent actions.
It's common for siblings of a child with autism to feel humiliated by their autistic brother or sister's behavior in public,
or to be hesitant to invite friends home. That can be tough because the sibling may feel uncomfortable about the
autistic behaviors. Adding to these feelings is the fact that children with autism have no abnormal facial features.
Typical children with an autistic sibling face numerous challenges: parental responsibility; a feeling of isolation from the
rest of their family; confusion, fear, anger and embarrassment about their autistic sibling. Families and each member
can be both strengthened and strained from these circumstances. Parents need to acknowledge and communicate only
to their healthy children that they realize what they are going through and that negative feelings are normal.
Additional Influential Situations for Typical Siblings
• Type and severity of the child’s disorder
• Number of children in the family
• Age differences between siblings
• Family’s child-rearing practices
• Family’s lifestyle
• Other stressful conditions existing in the family
• Parental/family coping styles
Parents with autistic children should set aside time alone with their typical children every week. Alone time with the
sibling can be done in different ways such as shopping or watching a movie together. The important thing is to
schedule definite “alone” time with a parent which the sibling can depend on. Make sure to explain treatments available
and future probabilities that affect the child with autism.
Siblings of a children with autism can better understand and accept the alterations and allowances made for the brother
or sister with autism as they mature. Be careful not to underestimate the potential of the child with autism. Make each
child’s responsibilities and allowances consistent and dependent on capability.
Many families make a major effort to praise and reward the child with autism for each step of progress. This same
effort should be considered for the siblings. Self-esteem is connected to positive acknowledgment from parents.
Remember to celebrate everyone’s success as special.
Parents can make the responsibilities appropriate to the age of the typical and autistic siblings. Parents should inform to
the typical child that while it’s great to care about their brother or sister, they are still children as well. That kind of
message confirms the parent’s love and eases the burden of caretaker.
Siblings are likely to spend more time with the child in their family who has autism than any one else, other than the
mother or primary caregiver. In addition, because the sibling relationship is the longest lasting relationship in the family,
sibling issues are lifelong concerns and change during their lifetime.
| Siblings of Autistic Children |
| ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Copyright © 2004 Bright Tots® Inc. - Educational Toys & Resource Guide to Child Development - All rights reserved. ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ |
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